It has become my self-appointed job to occasionally update everyone on the Covid-19 Apocalypse and illustrate the irony and absurdity of some of the daily headlines I have seen. Before I begin, these comments are meant to be presented in a humorous way and not create any dissention or negative comments. If you do feel the need to disagree, I ask you to please direct your arguments to social media where so many disagreements are solved. You can also find people who are as wrong as you are. (That was a joke, by the way.)
In Some Countries, Normal Life Is Back After the Coronavirus. Not Here.
This article stated that places like New Zealand, Taiwan, and Italy have returned to normal, but the United States is getting worse. It fails to mention what procedures they followed that were so dramatically different from our country. The main point of the story was to disagree with the way the administration is handling the crisis. I searched to find out what New Zealand did that was different than what we are doing, and found they had a strict policy of limiting travel to their country. I wonder what the headlines would be if that was our policy. “The administration hates other countries.” “This administration is racist.” “This administration refuses to listen to the media and celebrities.” (And everyone knows we are the experts on everything!) On the bright side, we could save these travelers from horrible things such as racist pancake syrup and sports mascots.
As virus-wary shoppers opt for online purchases, retailers pay the price
This headline is as earth shattering as “Unemployment as high as it was in the Great Depression!” Let me see. How shall I address this? When you close down stores, tell the public how unsafe it is to be around other people and they should quarantine themselves as much as possible, there’s a good chance they are going to shop online instead and only purchase what they need for the Apocalypse. Much like when you don’t allow people to go to work, the unemployment numbers are going to rise. Mystery solved.
Squirrel tests positive for the bubonic plague in Colorado
I have read three different versions of this story that was presented by ABC news and I couldn’t find an explanation anywhere describing how they found this out. So I have some questions. Was the squirrel wearing a mask? Was he practicing social distancing? Is gathering nuts for the winter an essential job, or should he have been in self quarantine? Where was Bullwinkle? I am seriously not trying to downplay the importance of public safety by any means, but I do feel some of the headlines are meant to scare as much of the population as possible. It does raise the question of what government employee has the job of finding sick squirrels and what did he do wrong to get that job.
Now I am genuinely not striving to pick on any particular group of people. There are valid arguments from both sides, and I am positive the majority of people in our country are working together to help as many people as they can. In the meantime, I will focus on myself and the things I need to do to be a better person. Thanks for reading.
Next week: 9 years ago
P.S. My contact person through social media is Helen Wait. If you positively feel the need to respond to me, I simply ask that you go to Helen Wait. I’m hilarious.